Well, that was embarrassing...

I flew down to Pensacola, FL to visit my grandmother and some extended family on Saturday, June 21st.  On the first leg of my trip, from Washington Reagan to Atlanta, I had to ask a flight attendant for something I've never had to ask for before.

A seat belt extender.

I almost cried.  Surreptitiously, under my breath, whispering so low as to hardly be heard, I asked the lovely flight attendant, "Would it be possible for me to get a seat belt extender?"  She nodded at me and hurried on down the aisle to the back of the plane.  When she came back by, she seemed to sense my distress and very calmly handed me the extender, without making any sort of comment, and also trying to do it as discretely as possible.

I think that's the part that almost made me cry.  The fact that my shame was so evident that this beautiful woman would try and assuage my concerns by being as hum-drum about it as possible.

I made sure to apologize to the woman sitting next to me for possibly taking up some of her space.  She was a very kind woman from Baton Rouge who probably wears a size 2.  She laughed softly and drawled, "You didn't encroach upon my space, dear.  Think nothing of it."  Bless her for being so gracious.

Oddly enough, on the flight from Atlanta to Pensacola, my seat belt was plenty long enough to not need a seat belt extender.  Crisis averted.

Fall can't come soon enough.  I'm ready for this.

*crawls back onto the face of the earth*

Umm... Been over a year since I wrote in this thing.  Wow.

Well, I still struggle with my weight.  I think I might be addicted to eating out.  I like food.  I like not having to do dishes.  I've been going to the gym somewhat regularly, mostly because I'm paying for a personal trainer and I don't want to waste my money.  One of my colleagues put it very succinctly when she and I were complaining about not having any money and being overweight.  She said, "You know the problem is because we essentially eat our money and shit it out, right?"

She's completely right.  And I keep saying to myself, "this is the last time I'm eating out!"  or "this is the last time I'm spending money on food I'm not buying to actually prepare and eat at home!"  And yet I keep failing myself.

So it's time to get drastic.

And by drastic, I mean surgery.

Some time this fall, after Labor Day, I will undergo a sleeve gastrectomy.  It is a form of bariatric surgery that will greatly reduce the size of my stomach, and remove the part of the stomach that researchers believe is responsible for secreting the "hunger hormone", whose scientific name I can't remember right now.

I'm not posting this to get an argument started about whether or not this is a good decision.  I know it's the right decision for me, because TRUST ME, I've agonized over it, I've talked it over with the people who matter, I've prayed about it, I've researched it, I've done everything in my power to make sure that this DRASTIC LIFE CHANGE is what I want and need.

So I'm just looking for support.  That's all anyone really wants, anyways, right?

I solemnly swear I will write in my blog at least once a week from here on out.  It feels good to write something that doesn't have to be cited in APA format.

REALLY good.